What Men are Thinking When they cheat

By popular demand, I'm going to tell you how it works when a man cheats. Moreover, what he's thinking and what takes him "over the edge" from fantasizing about another woman to acting on it.

Cheating Defined: Not playing fair and breaking a promise to stay committed by having physical contact with another woman. 

Physical Contact Defined: inappropriate touching, kissing, or boom chicca bow wow wow. 

What is NOT cheating; looking at another woman, strip bars, porn sites, or email flirtations.  Though these activities in high volume are a bad idea, they, in themselves, are NOT cheating. Warning for the men, "lead us not into temptation" !

Must haves: 

1. A girlfriend or wife who is under the indisputable understanding that the relationship is monogamous.

2. A reason / excuse to cheat. [reasons can vary greatly, from man to man, and the woman is not always the catalyst in giving him his excuse to cheat]

3. A person to cheat with 

Here's how it unfolds. For what ever reason, a guy is not fulfilled with his current relationship and / or he feels like he is missing out on a "type" of woman he has yet to experience. Each man, as do women, has a type that gets them hot. For a man this can change like the weather, one day he's into a blond with a big chest, the next day he sees a James Bond movie and is,  suddenly, into exotic Asian women.

Led by a GPS [global penis system] men who are considering cheating are constantly scanning for opportunities.

Opportunities Defined; a woman that fits our sexual fantasy and seems like she is trust worthy enough not to tell anyone and / or get attached and create problems.

Men find a target and begin "testing the waters" to see if she is private, interested in him, and will go from A to B quickly. He uses what ever it takes to get her in bed, his celebrity, charm, financial power, or by setting the stage of "this is so naughty and wrong". Naughty and wrong makes it fun and lures women in.

Next, men think about their loved one, their wife or girlfriend, and begin to justify why it's ok to have sex with another woman, as long as she never finds out, no harm no foul.  Men often separate love and sex in their brains.  Sex is a physical act and not necessarily emotional for most men. Every time a tinge of guilt rears it's ugly head, he suppresses it with an - inner dialogue - list of reasons why his cheating is ok.  Men call it a fling, a romp, a quick fix and don't think anything is wrong with giving in to their need for "different poonanny". Even though there is a huge megaphone alarm going off saying, "don't do this, it's wrong, you're going to hurt her if she finds out", they go ahead with it and know they are being stupid and careless with her feelings. 

If the sex is good they carry on the affair as long as possible - which is how they inevitably get caught. If the sex is not so good they have to find another target.

How men look at the women they are having sex with:

Men look at the women who are willing to have sex with them, especially if they are celebrities, as mere entertainment or a drug that gets them high.  It's exciting to cheat and the object of his desire is like a drug. The smart guys keep a wall up and never lets her get too close. It's a perfect situation for a guy because he can have the sex but not the responsibility of a relationship.  He has the perfect excuse to use with the woman he's cheating with. Bliss for a cheater. Yes, this is what he's thinking! It's just sex. 

When the affair runs it's course, the "drug" wears off and he does one of two things or both; he crashes hard and is riddled with guilt or thinks, "hmmm, I didn't get caught, I can do this again" and is happy once more.
 

Comments

[Sydney]

Do you also think "once a cheater, always a cheater.".

[Lauren]

Thank you for providing the thought process of a cheating mind.

Would you say that it's unacceptable if a guy hooks up with other women after he has started to pursue you?

Is this a red flag or am I dense? Should I rule him out?

[Beth]

Its so hard to comment on men cheating when I have been a huge cheater during my relationships. Too hypocritical for me to judge. I do believe that what I have done to the men I dated was wrong and I would like to change my ways.