What we Miss May be Missing

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    I just got off the phone with a writer from London.  She was interviewing me for an up coming story in Australia's Cosmopolitan magazine, she asked me a question and it got me thinking.

 

     After the dust has settled - from your last relationship - and you're a free woman or man back out in the dating jungle [ and it is a fkn jungle with a lot of ugly monkeys, snakes, and "prickly plants" ], you may begin to miss your ex.  But what is it about your ex that you really miss, think about it, chances are they're your ex for some very good reasons.  Was he / she really that hot?, were they really that good in bed, were they a loving responsible boyfriend /girlfriend,  and was he /she attentive to your needs?  This question applies to both men and women. If HE / SHE  wasn't all these things - and more -then maybe what you're really missing isn't them at all, maybe you're really missing the love and being in love. I could bore you with the chemical processes that swirl through that noggin of yours - when you're in love - but I won't waste my breath.  The take home news is that most normal healthy adults like to feel love and give love. Oh, and HAVE GREAT SEX .  Notice I say "normal" people. I can't speak to every situation.

     As a man, I have to take care of a woman, sometimes to a fault [ I try to "save" them" and am good at it but it's taxing ].  Moreover,  I also like being taken care of, loved and supported.  Most good women take care of their men and most good guys take care of their girls.  Albeit, guys have another responsibility, MONEY. As far as women have come in the work force, men are still expected to foot the bill.  I, personally, will spend only as much money on the girl as she deserves and my generosity increases the longer we're together.  A guy would be an idiot to take a girl places and spend money on her if she wasn't returning the gesture somehow and didn't prove she was in it for the long haul. She has to earn privileges with both her investment in the relationship and her nurturing.   Likewise, a woman who spends time and effort to take care of a man when he's not pulling his weight is going into emotional debt.  I digress.

So if you're missing someone, chances are you are COMPLETELY HEALTHY AND NORMAL ;).  You have a heart and you most likely are not missing the person as much as the love you shared with them.  The action of love and being loved can take place with another human being so keep your mind focused on that and not your ex. 

Also, for those of you who saw the Keane "Bad Dream" video I posted on face book. I'm going to share something completely personal with you.  I've lived a life that is difficult to describe; I've jumped out of planes, built my own home on 300 acres, lived all over the world, been with Victoria Secret models, rubbed shoulders with celebrities and orphans, became a New York times best seller and had a movie based on my TV persona, basically everything I've gone after I've achieved. Pay attention,  This is NOT about me tooting my own horn, this is who I am. This is Steve Santagati. Moreover, I've discovered the penalty for being enlightened; the more "aware" you are and the more experienced you are, the more isolated you can feel.  I have very specific tastes in what I find attractive in a woman and I'm painfully aware of what I have to bring to the table.  Therefore, it's not easy for me to find a great woman or great friends that "get me" , can add to my life, and can fill in my gaps.

     I've always felt this tie with the universe / god [not the guy in the white robe]. What I ask for and pursue, I achieve, that simple.  Often times I will stand on a beach or in the woods with my eyes closed and arms spread wide and try to feel at one with the power of the universe.  NO I'M NOT A HIPPY OR TOUCHY FEELY.  We are part of the Earth; we possess the same power that pushes the waves, creates the lightening, the cold, the heat, and the wind.  When I give myself up to that and don't allow the borders of my body to exist I become one with that power and am Omnipotent.  So, when I put that song up it's because I've lost my faith.  I'm tired of fighting right now and I'm looking for a sign for what I am to do next.  It happens. We disconnect with that power. 

Comments

[Rendi]

The exact words I needed this week, b/c I was in need of a reminder before I got lost in the sea of missing again. I was slipping.

Thanks Steve.

[Joanne Mancini]

What a great blog Steve! I love your way with words. I think we all need that reminder. I think it's just human nature to want to take care of the other person.
Hope you get that 'sign' soon!!

Jo

[Michelle Johnson]

Steve, I'm touched by your somewhat weakness, I want to take care of you!!! It's hard to remember that someone with such confidence and knowing can still feel lost at times. It sounds like you need some good "me" time, alone and away from phones, computers, tv. Life doesn't give us answers sometimes to the hardest questions. It just is. Maybe it would help if you reached out to people who have had as much success as you and where they went from there. You'll do what you need to do, but I'm sure women will be reaching out to make you feel better, because that's what we love to do.

Take care.
Michelle Johnson

[Karen Barry]

I get it Steve, this is why so many wanna hear what you have to say....because regardless of the fame and fortune, u somehow convey in your words a certain groundedness, even though your life is so different from so many - because of your experiences. You are still just like everyone, who seeks a happy life and I think at times although you might feel disconnected that your life isn't really at the standstill it seems. Speaking for myself, u have made an impact just by sharing your most recent blog. I thank you for it. Keep writing. Kind Regards

[Imelda Madznan]

You haven't lost your faith dear. You are just tired because you have been fighting too hard. Close your eyes and take time to remember all the good things even the tiniest one that happens when you were busy fighting and you'll see that "faith" has never left you...take care.

[stephanie]

i've had this exact experience. it is a very difficult feeling bc it has caused me to ask myself "then what the hell was all the effort for in the first place." only thing i can say is that i feel like there's a reason there are sayings like "every dog has it's day"; meaning, everything goes in cycles you know... sometimes we're on top and we're there for what seems like forever; nothing can get us. but sometimes something gets us off kilter and it's hard to reconnect, to find that "thing" inside that got us going. by virtue of the simple fact of timing (and a vacation probably would help too), the cycle will come back around in your favor. tks for sharing this.

[Ela]

"My Heart Belongs To Daddy".

[Angi]

Hey Steve, u got me pissed! I wanted to wright about the missing Ex/no love itself mix-up in my own Blog! Damn. But i am lucky somehow. I do write on a german site so i might try now to still put it in my own words and not to copy u...
Seriously-i guess u lost contact. To yourself. Everytime this happens to me it's like a snake growing. They loose the old skin and there is some beautifull new grown snake coming out of it. It hurts a bit because one door is closing and u feel a loss, but u know what they say-if one door closes there's another one to open. Just wait and see and don't get to worried. Let yourself be bit mellow and low. Soul needs that, it's like a rest. Enjoy, yes that sounds strange, but just stop fighting and thinking and wanting. Just enjoy beeing a bit out of everything. You're ready for the next step and when u did the right things recently, then u will find yourself on the next step to ??? maybe Nirwana ;)

Hugs, Angi from Munich ;)

[alexis]

Thank You so much for that post!! it's just what I needed to hear and it made me feel better..We are all human and all feel lonlieness at times.. Sometimes the lonlieness can be very hard..When we aremissing an ex, we may be missing something else other then the person we are thinking of..We all need to be loved and feel loved and to connect with another...It's Good to remember that there are others out there with whom we can have a deep connection with and a healthy happy relationship with..