Lie to me Die to me

Let's be honest, errr....NOT lie, we all lie to people from time to time. We justify it by saying: "I don't want to hurt their feelings" or, MORE OFTEN, we do it to selfishly protect ourselves from the firestorm that will ensue if we reveal the TRUTH.  We're chicken, afraid, scared, weak, or sleazy and reject the opportunity to tell the truth.  Nothing complicated about that.

TYPES OF LIES:

WHITE LIES:

(update your list, this one is short)

1. A white lie is when you deny someone the truth because it will only hurt them, a no harm no foul sort of thing: i.e. When a girl asks her husband / boyfriend if she looks pretty today and he says "yes" even though she looks like shit.

2. Any lie you use with the cops to get out of being arrested.

3. Lying in a life or death situation.

Black Lies:

1. Cheating

2. Not being honest with your closest friends even if the truth is going to hurt them. i.e. Their weight, health, you know their girlfriend / boyfriend is cheating on them, drinking problems etc.

3. Any lie that has malicious intent or a creates a festering problem because it was told. i.e. a close friend  asks you a question and you lie to their face.  Especially lies that will obviously be revealed as such in the future [almost all do] 

4. Any lie that can cause harm or danger to someone, i.e. not telling someone to look out for so and so, or warning them about eminent danger...etc.

5. The kind of Lying that sleaze bags do as a means to an end to make a dollar.  We all know them!

The Grey area:

THERE IS NONE! There is no grey area, You either lie or tell the truth. That is why both lying and telling the truth are so pure...there are no ands ifs or buts about it.

What to do. 

When ever I begin a new relationship, the first brick I lay in the foundation of our relationship is the brick of trust. Just like a brick wall, the more time and experience you two share the more trust is supposed to be built up.  There is no time limit, it can happen quickly or slowly.

     Laying Brick is exactly the right analogy here because honesty and trust are a heavy responsibilities, especially if you're dating me. I take trust and honesty as the most powerful thing two people can share. Not being with a woman I can trust? I may as well be alone. When you use those three precious words "I Love You, you have to unflinchingly know the responsibility that comes along with that breath; the person you're with has your back and you theirs.  It's you and her / you and him against the world. Moreover, I, personally, return the gesture in spades. Brick also works here because if you lie to me it's like throwing a brick through my picture window, I don't take it well.

What to do Part Two:

1. I actively create an environment where the blatent ugly truth is the only way you two interact with one another, the best and only choice regardless of the consequences. Albeit, you can deliver the truth with tact and grace. Not all of the girls, I've dated, take to this policy to heart but years later they get in touch and thank me...

btw-Most people are big fat liars, keep that in mind ;-)

  2. I "check in" through out the relationship and have them do the same; there are always opportunities to tell the truth when you're with someone, so keep it fresh and don't lie. Ask them VERY SPECIFIC QUESTIONS knowing full well they can't lie because you already know the answer [best to ask this via email or txt or face to face as all three have their benefits...you have it in writing.] To Create a lie free or at least a lie a little less zone you must start, day one, by being brutally honest with them and, like wise, NOT OVER REACTING OR GOING NUTS WHEN THEY TELL YOU A TRUTH YOU MAY NOT WANT TO HEAR.  Folks if you want to hear the truth you must also have to know how to deal with it.  Keep that in mind.

 

Dealing with Liars:

Liars have to deal with themselves. They know what they did and, if the lie is hurtful enough, they will suffer, rest assured. If you catch someone you love, and don't want to lose, in a lie simply ask them why they lied. If you're not satisfied with the answer, dump them immediately.  My point is that we all make mistakes, we all lie, but give them the chance to fess up.  Try not to judge them too harshly less you be judged the same. However, If someone has broken the sacred code of trust and honesty, they are now dead to you.  Have a silent funeral for them because they are not worth the tears or the time. Move on.

Bad Boys and Bad Girls secret: The elite subculture of bad boys and bad girls make it our business to know and talk to everyone. Though we are extremely private ourselves,our network is vast and we always get to the bottom of things.  Don't mess with the bull or you get the horns ;-)

 

Don't forget to go to bad boys finish first .com / bad girls finish first .net and order you Christmas gifts early for the bad boy and bad girl in your life.

xo

s

Comments

[amily]

I'm surprised by this post. Pleasantly surprised. I'm new to you and this site. I haven't read your book (only excerpts), but I've read through the press section of this site, which led to viewing some videos on Mantourage, and reading various transcripts. Many times I think what you say is dead on, and then instead of stopping, you keep going and ruin it. Sometimes I think you're totally wrong and over the top. I've been reading through your blogs and every time I think you've said something really mature, you follow it up with another one that makes me want to slap you. (I'm Italian, we slap ;) Other times I have found your comments to be contradictory. For example, suggesting we be blunt and brutally honest , almost in a take-no-prisoners way, then saying another time that we should be tactful. (Be honest AND tactful, I say.) In one of your TV appearances you admit, without remorse, to cheating and being a cheater, yet this post says you hate liars (isn't cheating on someone a form of lying?) and on pg 287 of your book you tell people not to cheat. I, too , hate liars and lying and cheating, and value honesty and open communication. Sometimes you seem like a great guy to know and other times I think if I saw you, I'd run the other way. You are a puzzlement, Mr. Santagati. (You also have a typo in the last line, it should say "youR Christmas gifts" .)

[Amelia]

The guy has done it all, that's why he's able to tell us about this stuff. Doesn't make it right or make him a saint, but would you rather get advice from someone with a lot of experience or none. The guys with none are usually unhelpful. Not always, sometimes if they were raised really well they have their heads on straight and don't need to date a million women and do a million things, relationships fall into place for them, but they are hard to find.

[amily, off to surf in another part of the web. Ciao!]

Hi Amelia! I understand what you are saying. I don't think advisors need to be saints who never took a wrong turn. I agree that those who've had straight thinking all along are rare. That being said, I respect advice from someone who seems to practice what they preach. From someone who has learned from bad behavior. Based on what he says, I haven't figured out yet if Mr. Santagati truly practices anything except pushing the edge. Sticking just with this topic of lying/cheating, on CNN, right after posting this blog, Mr. Santagati says there was nothing wrong with the texts Brett Favre sent. http://archives.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/1010/20/ijvm.01.html Huh??? (And I'm not talking wrong in a criminal sense, or based on his obligation to a team behavior code, I'm talking wrong in a personal sense.) In my opinion, if ANY guy were honest, he would straighten out issues with his wife BEFORE pursuing another woman. How can you try to involve yourself with a THIRD party -- yes, in my book texting pics of your private parts is trying to get involved -- when you are in a legal relationship already, and not have that smack of cheating? Or at least inappropriate behavior? (And for the record, if the woman encouraged it in any way, I think she's wrong, too.) After reading this blog, I would have expected Mr. Santagati to say that Brett should have taken care of things at home first, not sexted. Or say that Brett is married and shouldn't be flirting or engaging in this behavior with anyone besides his wife. Wrong! The way I see it, a person has to realize some actions are not just unhealthy, but that they're wrong. And then you choose to change your behavior, change your life. You say, that's it, I'm not cheating/lying anymore because it's wrong, I don't want to be that person, I want to handle my relationships honestly. Instead of getting away with whatever I can, I can be a better person on my own, without being manipulated into it, because I'm a grown up. Is Mr. Santagati letting us in on how he as a bad boy USED TO get away with things, or how he still does? If the former is considered "bad boy" behavior, is he still a "bad boy" or is he (gasp!) reformed? Anyway, after seeing Mr. Santagati last week excuse wrong behavior by saying, in effect, Brett did nothing wrong, that's just how men are, with any other guy we wouldn't care ... well, I think I have my answer. I think whatever he offers that is good and helpful is a bit contaminated. That is too bad, and disappointing, and it's FRUSTRATING, because I see alot of potential in him, in his advice. He has an engaging manner, and charm. He could really motivate people to keep the edge, to keep the good things about what he terms "bad" behavior (isn't that an oxymoron? lol), and to lose the immature jerk behavior, if only he didn't condone it out of the other side of his mouth.