Fall of a Bad Boy

I promise to get to my point but bear with me, what I'm about to tell you is not easy for me to reveal, it will take some self coaxing.

PROVERB:

I think most of us have heard the expression: "If a tree falls in the forest and there is no one there to hear it, does it make a sound?"  

Answer: it does make a sound, a very loud, crashing, and painful sound.

Bad Boys:

As you can imagine, I receive a lot of comments, some flattering, some hateful, for taking the poster child position of bad boys world wide. However, a subject I've never exposed, on tv or in my blogs, is when a bad boy gets hurt.  When a bad boy "falls" like a tree in the forest, he does make a very loud noise, albeit in private, it is loud and heart wrenching.  Very rarely is anyone around to see or hear it and the status quo suggests that we don't make a sound less we appear weak.

I think most true bad boys are good men at heart but somewhere along the line we became damaged goods. A devastation that makes us attracted to very specific women for very specific reasons. You know who you are if you've ever dated, fell in love with, and broken up with a bad boy.

Bad boys love women but, conversely, don't easily fall in love. Most people fall in love at the drop of a hat or are oh too willing to commit just to be in a relationship, but not bad boys, not this bad boy anyway. When we do find that one perfect woman, the stars line up, and the clouds open wide, we dive in head first [so to speak] and put our mind, heart, and soul into that woman.  We have to catch our breath as we move into her world with complete abandon.  We take all the love we've been saving, all the love we never got, all the patience we didn't choose to exercise with other women, all the thoughtfulness, and we love and protect our woman as our Queen. Moreover, we try and save our girl the way we to would like to be saved. It's our calling and our cross.

Note: men badly want to be understood by women and bad boys want to be understood and saved. The trouble is that finding a woman who can save us is a needle in a hay stack.

COMMITMENT:

When bad boys FULLY commit and things don't work out - because the woman either: A. Falls out of love with us , B. Doesn't put in the love and energy required to make a relationship work [for what ever reason]. or C. We feel we're giving more than we're receiving, we are crushed.  Our commitment is such that there is no "back up plan", there is no "escape strategy", we're in it for life or death. And, when she leaves us, it is a sort of death. A part of us is taken that can not be returned. It creates a spiraling down of monster proportions. 

Note: Part C.  Because bad boys realize the extent to which they are emotionally vulnerable, we will often, yet reluctantly, pull back [ a sort of self preservation ] if we believe our woman is not pulling her weight.

I can tell you this, I've only fallen in love three times in my life but have dated many women and because I've never been married, I've had the luxury and fortitude to go out with enough women to know what is concretely a rare connection and what is just temporary infatuation, I know the difference. Moreover, I do compare the next to the last [but not make her pay for mistakes another girl made] and know what is loving behavior and what is not. Think of it as extensive field research that bears reliable results.

I guess the point here is: bad boys fall harder than most men because our commitment is greater once we find that special someone.  So if you were ever wondering if bad boys feel sorrow and loss, we do. We feel it deeper and more visceral.  The latter statement is not self-aggrandizing, it's simple fact.

Big boys don't cry but Bad Boys definitely feel pain in a very tangible way.

Comments

[Lisa at Wanderlust Women]

Oh Stevie, I feel your pain. However, I don't think that you fall harder and deeper (no double entendre intended) it's just that I think the emotion of being "in love" is so rare for bad boys that when they fall, that is also new to them. Welcome to the real world. Yes, some people fall in and out of love as the seasons change. However, everyone who truly falls in love, falls hard and hurts deeply when it's over..........unless they're stone-cold for whatever their reasons.

Relationships are only between two people, bad boys and good girls, good boys and bad girls, whatever the label. They only work when the people who are in them are committed. You can think you are as bad-ass as the next biker but the reality is that love and hate are the most powerful emotions and whenever we give into either, the energy which is created can be terrifying for the uninitiated. xo

[Angi]

Same for bad girls....

[J.L.D]

What about the other side to this? What happens when a bad boy is simply a sociopath? And when he sabotages relationships before they can grow? Does the bad boy feel or is he able to move on without a care in the world in search for his next conquest?

[jane]

Agree with Angi... same for bad girls...

you feel dead for a while